The Calmer Toddler Bedtime Kit

1. Your customisable evening checklist

Same order, every night. Tick what you use, cross out what you don't, and write in the steps that belong to your family.

• Quiet connection (5 minutes of undivided you)
• Bathroom or diaper change
• Pajamas on
• Brush teeth
• Choose one book
• Cuddle or song
• Same goodnight phrase, every night
• Our family's step: ______________________________
• Our family's step: ______________________________
• Our family's step: ______________________________

Our goodnight phrase: ______________________________________________

2. Calm boundary scripts

Warm, brief and predictable beats long explanations at bedtime.

“You wish Mommy were doing bedtime. Tonight Daddy is here. You are safe, and I can help you.”

How to hold the boundary

• State a boundary you can calmly follow through on — then stick with it.
• Don't turn switching parents into a game or a nightly negotiation.
• Expect some pushback, especially when the routine is new. Offer comfort and stay close; never leave your child distressed without support.
• Always respond to illness, pain or a safety concern, and adapt the plan to your child's developmental and sensory needs.

Set it up for success

• Coordinate between caregivers in advance, before bedtime starts.
• Practise connection with the less-preferred parent during the day, when nobody is tired.
• Offer two small choices within the boundary: which pajamas, which book, which song.

3. Three-evening observation sheet

Notice, don't grade. Three evenings of notes usually show a pattern you can work with.

This sheet is for noticing patterns. It is not a promise of results and not a fixed sleep schedule — toddlers vary night to night.